Oh blank page, you stare quietly at me, waiting patiently for me to paint you with my thoughts….
To introduce myself, this being my first post, I’m just a girl, one of many out there, if you see me on the street or at the grocery store or at work, nothing would appear strange or odd…at least not that I’m aware of 😛 but, truth is, for the last 10 years of my life, I have struggled with an eating disorder. As I write this, my mind shouts at me: “Don’t say that! No one can know! Its a secret. What if someone you know finds out? What will they think of you?” So…think of me what you will. But the thing is, I know there are so many girls out there who have struggled or are struggling with the same exact thing, keeping it hidden, letting no one see what really goes on behind your eyes. I started this blog because I want to give you a glimpse of what it is really like, maybe I want to give myself a glimpse into the inner workings of my mind (scary), and that by writing it all down, I can somehow gain a different perspective, or maybe I started it because…if I had known, if someone had told me 10 years ago, what I was getting myself into, maybe there’s a chance I wouldn’t have done it, that I would have stopped then.
In a way, I guess I am what you’d call recovered, and maybe that’s true outwardly, because for the most part, I don’t actively engage in destructive behaviours, but mentally, I am not recovered and that’s the hardest part; because it has continued to affect every single aspect of my life. And I think I only realised this recently.
This is going to be a really long story. Told in pieces. But the introduction piece is now almost over, because I need to go to sleep 🙂 Because…tomorrow, I’m going to Hollywood and will be recording a song, because.. writing music and singing has been one of the main reasons I have kept pushing forward, through all this. But more about that later. Goodnight, myself, because I’m pretty sure at this point, I am the only reader of this post.